God caught me

Psalms 37:23-25:

 The steps of the godly are directed by the LORD. He delights in
 their lives. Though they stumble, they will not fall, for the LORD
 holds them by the hand. Once I was young, and now I am old, yet I
 have never seen the godly forsaken, nor seen their children begging
 for bread (NLT).


This has been something I have been waiting to write about in a condensed version so I could  have a picture in my mind that will last for ever.

Since Rick died, I was very troubled and traumatized by his death. I did not have any inclination that I would experience the death of my only son. As a father, this is the worse thing imaginable. I had good experiences with Rick but there were 12 years of a troubled son. This took a toll on my relationships in the family and  in life. It was a constant pit in the stomach that Rick was in trouble and there was not much I could do about it.

After his death, I went in to a state of shock that lasted over 3 years.  This was not good for me or my family.

Over the past year, God was breaking me down...

to rely only on him,
to trust only in him,
to look for direction only in him

I fought hard to do it on my own like I did for many years.

But God wants to win the tough battles of the soul

He took me places I did not want to be and showed me things about me that I did not like

But God wants to win the tough battles of the soul

He showed me the inadequacies of who I am alone without him and what I would become if I continued on the path of self confidence and control

But God wants to win the tough battles of the soul


God brought me to my knees and showed me the who I was trying to be and not who he wanted me to be.

But God wants to win the tough battles of the soul

Summer of 2008 will be a personal memory for  a life time

It was a warm night and I was having trouble sleeping but finally fell to sleep.

About 3:00 am, I woke up and was shaking and sweating and saw in front of me a stream and I was on my back going down the stream.

The rocks were slippery and I was grabbing on to the rocks and trying to hold on but I couldn't. I kept going down the stream trying to grab on to anything but  I could not hold on to the rocks. In the distance I heard a waterfall and the current was getting stronger. I tried but I could not hold on.

I was now caught in a current that was not going to let me go and I let go and did not try to hold on any longer. In shear terror, I was swept over the waterfalls and was falling to my death.

Little did I know, it was a different kind of death. As I was falling over the falls,  in front of me I was caught with the outreaching hands of God.

He grabbed me and held me

But God wants to win the tough battles of the soul

He told me,"Rick, you don't have to worry any more, I am here." I will hold you and never let you go"

A peace came over me like I never experienced. God really did want me

I knew who God was, I knew Jesus as my Lord and Savior, I knew the Holy Spirit.

I didn't know me...

God brought me down the waterfalls to show me about me.To show  me the junk in my life, to show me the path I was heading down.. and it was not good.

He showed me who he wanted me to be not who I wanted to be, because it really did not matter.

He showed me the inner core of my soul.

He also showed me that his love was far greater than I imagined and reached in places I did not know I even had.

He also showed me...

 God wants to win the tough battles of the soul

He showed me life and a relationship with him that can not be surpassed by any other means.

He showed me that true spirit of his love.

Lord, keep showing me your love . Help me Lord share this love for others. Help me show your love in my relationships and in my life.

Thank you for wanting to win the tough battles

Thank you for catching me and holding me with your hand.

Thank you for a renewed life in you, not in me!